theviolinlady.blog

Tag: mental-health

  • Good Intonation is a Choice for Every Note

    And I was Out of Tune

    Ugh, I’ve been off pitch! I’ve spent the past three months in fear (not realizing it) and learned valuable lessons about myself. As the weeks passed, I felt I was losing who I was—an artist, musician, composer, author, and violin maker. Having an Etsy store and a YouTube channel was sucking life out of me, so I deleted them both. When I did, the intensely stressful feelings fell from my back like a burden lifted.

    “False Expectations Appearing Real (FEAR)”

    I ignored the red flags and the gut feeling that opening the store and channel gave me, and didn’t want to admit it. I’d pray but not wait for the answers or proper confirmation, desperately trying to do what I believed was expected of me. I felt I was expected to have an Etsy store and a YouTube channel. Others kept telling me it was necessary.

    After running into problems, spending countless hours rendering videos, and stressing about what I thought I needed to do next, my health began to get worse. I am disabled, diagnosed with several rare diseases. I’ve lost my career and outdoor hobbies, and I’m almost immobile. I also faint, fall, and have non-epileptic seizures daily. Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) is the worst. The pain registers as 42 out of 50 on the McGill Pain Scale, which means it’s more painful than childbirth without medication at 35. It’s a 24/7/365 degenerative condition that spreads and is brutal. I have Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome and Ehlers-Danlos Type 3. All of this has caused me to gain nearly 100 pounds and get diabetes. I take over 20 medications every day and have an implanted spinal cord stimulator to help with the pain.

    Just Google CRPS and you’ll get a small idea of what I experience daily.

    How my feet look at the end of the day.

    Taking on The Violin Lady was God’s idea, so I jumped into it too deeply, too quickly, and it backfired. I have always been ambitious about the size of tasks I take on. I do everything in a big way and am bold about it. So, I took on Etsy and YouTube, but I can’t do it. It’s been three months of exhaustion, and I finally feel free.

    It’s time I focus on what is important to me, not others. My time on Earth may be shorter than expected, so I want to use it wisely. I’ll sell my violins on my website and by word of mouth. I love to make them and will keep going as long as possible. I will continue writing my books (I’ve published 15 since becoming immobile, all available on Amazon).

    I’m tuned up now and will go forward as the genuine me.

  • Rising from Rock Bottom: Finding Hope through Music

    Rising from Rock Bottom: Finding Hope through Music

    Have you ever hit a rock-bottom?

    I have. On more than one occasion. All of us get to low places, and for some who have experienced any form of trauma and /or abuse knows what I’m talking about. We all have suffered in some way and my pain is the same as your pain. It’s relative.

    We all have experienced emotions of anger, pain, frustration, neglect, and abandonment, as well as joy, contentment, and peace.

    For me, playing an instrument is a gamechanger. The violin lifts me up in a way that I cannot explain. The music and composing that I dabble in changes me. The music takes me places I cannot find easily. Music takes me into a silence of the mind, a balance like no other. And I never knew that would be the case.

    Photo by Taylor Heery on Unsplash

    Joy Unstoppable

    If you are keeping up with me, you know I had a hard time recently. The beauty of it, I see myself more clearly than ever. You see, every time we hit a rock-bottom, we are in a place where the only way to go is upward.

    Like too many of you, I faced several traumas as a child. experiencing trauma is like an insidious attack on our very being. So, we work to overcome. The overcoming is moving from a place of being a victim to being a survivor. And eventually, we will become thrivers.

    Bringing music into my circumstances has pulled me through some tough stuff. Music evokes emotions, some we have never felt before. Just as we live with horrible emotions and memories, we can live with undeniable peace, understanding, and love.

    How do I know?

    Because here I am, in a position of gratitude and humility, here I am. I’m in this position of peace and hope once more, and I’m right here. You see, every time we have anxiety, depression, hopelessness, and thoughts of self-harm to name a few, we can only rise from the bottom we find ourselves in.

    Personally, I am highly sensitive, which is an amazing gift of empathy, though it can be experienced as weakness. Being highly sensitive allows me to see people in their truth, rather than seeing or lingering in their pain. What does the Bible say about truth? The truth will set you free.

    So, I leave you with this: Get back up again. Because you are worthy of knowing joy in the middle of the pain. And, if you have read this far, I guarantee you will find hope for your future.

    Be blessed in everything you do toady!