Last year I participated in a great holiday music party by the Hacienda Heights Orchestra. Wow! As a beginner I knew nothing. I could barely keep up with Jingle Bells. Well, this year will be different. I am already starting on the Christmas songs I will need to know this year.
The orchestra leader, who is my instructor, also asked me to bring a table of the violins I have made. I am grateful because I haven’t had the chance to do that.
It will be wonderful to see everyone again, and this time I may just get through a few songs.
On the electromagnetic spectrum, humans can see only a small amount of light, which is called the visible spectrum. We see “Roy G. Biv” (Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, and Violet).
If combined, each of the seven colors of the rainbow makes white light. Sir Isaac Newton found that a prism can split white light into these seven colors.
Each Color has a Sound Frequency
•Red = C (Do)
•Orange = D (Re)
•Yellow = E (Mi)
•Green = F (Fa)
•Blue = G (So)
•Indigo = A (La)
•Violet = B (Ti)
Play them and see how you feel?
Colors Evoke Emotions
Each color frequency is connected to how we feel as they vibrate at different rates of speed, affecting our bodies. Color Therapy has been used to change people’s emotions. A well-known painter, Mark Rothko, understood how color alters us emotionally. The painting below uses complementary colors, red and green with the red being a dominant feature.
The power of Rothko’s work is the use of color to create an emotional state for the viewer that was passionate.
Mark Rothko’s Earth and Green, 1950s
Music does the Same Thing: Evoke Emotion
We listen to genres of music to experience a specific feeling. Death metal can raise anger, classical with maturity, and country with the twang and a line dance. DJs get this. They curate music for the emotional experience.
I have. On more than one occasion. All of us get to low places, and for some who have experienced any form of trauma and /or abuse knows what I’m talking about. We all have suffered in some way and my pain is the same as your pain. It’s relative.
We all have experienced emotions of anger, pain, frustration, neglect, and abandonment, as well as joy, contentment, and peace.
For me, playing an instrument is a gamechanger. The violin lifts me up in a way that I cannot explain. The music and composing that I dabble in changes me. The music takes me places I cannot find easily. Music takes me into a silence of the mind, a balance like no other. And I never knew that would be the case.
If you are keeping up with me, you know I had a hard time recently. The beauty of it, I see myself more clearly than ever. You see, every time we hit a rock-bottom, we are in a place where the only way to go is upward.
Like too many of you, I faced several traumas as a child. experiencing trauma is like an insidious attack on our very being. So, we work to overcome. The overcoming is moving from a place of being a victim to being a survivor. And eventually, we will become thrivers.
Bringing music into my circumstances has pulled me through some tough stuff. Music evokes emotions, some we have never felt before. Just as we live with horrible emotions and memories, we can live with undeniable peace, understanding, and love.
How do I know?
Because here I am, in a position of gratitude and humility, here I am. I’m in this position of peace and hope once more, and I’m right here. You see, every time we have anxiety, depression, hopelessness, and thoughts of self-harm to name a few, we can only rise from the bottom we find ourselves in.
Personally, I am highly sensitive, which is an amazing gift of empathy, though it can be experienced as weakness. Being highly sensitive allows me to see people in their truth, rather than seeing or lingering in their pain. What does the Bible say about truth? The truth will set you free.
So, I leave you with this: Get back up again. Because you are worthy of knowing joy in the middle of the pain. And, if you have read this far, I guarantee you will find hope for your future.
I didn’t feel like doing anything. I was not motivated at all. I kept telling myself I was just tired and needed rest, but after a few days, I knew I was depressed. My heart was broken. You see, I was diagnosed with five rare diseases, yes, five. These diseases led to my gaining nearly 100lbs and becoming diabetic, with liver and kidney disease from medications. As my primary doctor said, “You are next-level sick.”
So, four of the five rare diseases fall under the sixth diagnosis of Dysautonomia. They say that once you are diagnosed, because it’s hard to pinpoint, you have between five and 10 years to live. That was almost three years ago.
Because of the symptoms I deal with daily, I consider it a miracle when I can get up and be productive. Because of these medical conditions, I am weaker overall, especially emotionally. I grew up with multiple traumas, and I must work hard to stay positive, which doesn’t help when depression sinks in.
The Reality is…
Logically, I know I’m fine because God’s got my back. But those traumas like to rear their ugly heads when they can. I get stressed when things happen that throw me off course. That stress shows up as more medical symptoms, fear of failure, fear of man, and operating out of reactionary mode.
I’ve also struggled with perfectionism. I insisted on 4.0 GPAs in post-secondary education. I’ve always had the mindset to do everything with all my best efforts.
So, that single two-star review on my first violin sale on Etsy was devastating. Not being able to make it right was more hurtful than expected.
Violin Therapy
Playing and making violins helps me be hopeful and positive in the storm of my life. I kept my couch warm for two weeks and finally got moving yesterday. I picked up a violin, and all seemed well again. I’ve learned once again how powerful emotions can be. And how nothing matters but enjoying violins, staying stress-free, and loving those who’ve hurt me.
Jesus is the only answer to keeping my emotions in check. If I ever get another two-star review, I’ll lean even harder on God. And, hopefully, I won’t keep the couch warm.
Firstly, I write this to share an experience, not to defend myself.
I received a two-star review on my very first violin sale with my new Etsy store. It’s amazing to me that two little stars can crush our hopes and dreams—if we let them. But if we can look at the situation objectively, not taking it personally, we can see it’s not the end of the world.
Like it or not, we create the bad “reviews” and “dislikes” we get, and we get them by ignoring warning signs, among other things.
I felt uneasy about shipping out that violin. I had interpreted those feelings as being afraid that something would go wrong, and it did. I had debated about how I was going to package the violin for shipping, and I chose the wrong solution.
From the Buyer’s Etsy Review
The fingerboard of the violin popped off with the pressure caused by the delivery process, even though I had “Fragile” stickers on the package. So, I learned a valuable lesson. It was a mistake that I was very forthright about fixing once I saw the review. I was never contacted by the buyer after multiple attempts.
I was left to my emotions. I felt helpless and I’m not used to that. I’m used to facing problems head-on and taking care of them for an amicable resolution. This was not to be the case. I reached out by returning half of the cost of the violin and offered again to fix it. Instead, I took a big loss financially and emotionally. And I still heard nothing.
Taking it Personally
I haven’t had enough experience with selling my violins, or any other artwork I have created, to detach from the work emotionally. The emotions that rose up from this were ones of hurt, helplessness, vulnerability, and I felt my very character was attacked.
These emotions are merely emotions; they are not who I am as a person. They do not define me.
Still, it took me four weeks to process, and, at that time, I didn’t work on any violins, or practice, or take lessons (I was out-of-town for one of the lessons that I skipped.). I basically shutdown. I began to question my motives and abilities. I wanted to delete the entire Etsy store and quit. But I knew that wasn’t the way forward.
Believing the Lies
There are many lies coming against us daily. Lies that we aren’t good enough, that we won’t succeed, that we are failures, and that we will never amount to anything. These lies are spoken to us from traumatic pasts and fears of the future. They are positions of victimization that will end in victory and survival.
We can thrive when we can define the lies and commit to never believe them again. There are opportunities in this process to reframe how and what we think about ourselves too. And we must. We must learn to love ourselves and to love others.
Celebrate Anyway
This experience has reignited my resolve to make and sell violins. I took friends out to lunch to celebrate the sale anyway. This learning opportunity humbled me to keep God even closer to me in the process of creating.
Plus, my celebration is in the very Word of God. In Romans 12:19–21 Amplified version it says, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave the way open for God’s wrath [and His judicial righteousness]; for it is written [in Scripture], ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord. But if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome and conquered by evil but overcome evil with good.”
I didn’t need to do anything but be fair and pray.
So, I forgave the buyer’s two-star review, and I trust God wholeheartedly to resolve the matter as my Defender. And I will keep moving forward with my Etsy store, my blog, and my YouTube channel with God’s mercy and grace.
I think I know what the “rules” are for practicing an instrument. And I know that I don’t always do it that way. I don’t warm up and my fingers start hurting in the middle of my solo. When I practice scales and arpeggios, I get bored and act as though they are unnecessary, which they are. And let’s not mention that I don’t clean the violin after playing it. The violin I play most is a blonde-white, so the rosin dust doesn’t show and by the time I see it, well it’s pretty bad.
Oh, and using the tools available to me, like the metronome and recordings from the Essential Elements books. I only use them when I struggle. And then there’s the music I must practice for my lessons versus playing music I’ve composed. I feel absolute joy when I play my music, so I mix that in.
Flames Violin
I know my instructor knows. I always knew how much a student put into the work when I was a professor. So then, there’s this guilt and shame involved.
Bottom line is that I’m not respecting myself or the violin. It’s like some form of self-sabotage and it’s not the first time in my life I’ve behaved this way. I used to be a victim. I had many severe traumas as a child, so self-sabotage has been my way of getting out of doing something I’m afraid to do.
Playing violin scares me. I admit it. So, the question becomes, “How can I play if I’m scared?” My answer, face my fear. I’ve taken care of fear and victimization in many areas of my life, but music is difficult. I believe it was a squashed gift I should have thrived in doing. All this passive aggressive fear must go! So, I play, and I play, and I play.
Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow Violin by Jana Rawling
What I felt was exciting and new. I had only dreamt of feeling that way. I’ve watched and listened to other musicians, and I could see and feel it happening to them. It’s something I’ve always wanted for myself.
Here’s what happened. I was determined to play a piece of music for each of the violins I make to upload to my YouTube Channel @TheViolinLady. So, I got my first violin back from our local Luthier who had placed the sound post for me. I tuned the violin and sat down to play. I started playing a song that I am learning and was still not confident playing it. After a million mistakes, I decided to play a short piece that I composed myself. I figured I knew it better and if I can’t play that, I need way more practice and a better solution for sound tests.
I played the song repeatedly and then it happened. I felt the notes in my heart and stomach. It was this indescribable joy that I felt. Each note I played I heard clearly as though I was part of the sound itself. My body responded by swaying to the music as if caught in some ethereal rhythm. I finally felt it.
I felt the music. I felt each note. I felt every note blend into the next. And the best part, I felt hope. I felt it was possible that I could play that way. I could play out of my heart with passion. And now I’m addicted. I want to play that way all the time.
So, that’s my new goal. Feel the passion for each note.
On a side note: I asked God a year or so ago how to play the violin. He said, “There’s time for every note and every note has passion.” To add to that I recently heard, “Intonation is a choice for every note you play.” These words of wisdom are beginning to sink in.
I was brainstorming and I already have designs for my next four violins. It’s exciting for me to make such beautiful violins and to be able to hear them is even better. I got totally vulnerable and shot video of me playing the Amber Violin. That will be part eight of the Amber playlist of videos. I’m hoping to get my instructor to play it for me too.
I thought it might be too much to show every little thing I do as I make the violins, like the time it takes to sand it, or layer on the stain. So, with my next one I did it all in two videos with lots of editing. I honestly am not sure which is the better way. Maybe somewhere in between. I will try that next time and see how it goes.
I’m made to make art and to be creative. Getting to do that with the violin is special to me. I love to lose myself in music and in art. I surrender to the Creative Spirit within, and the ideas flow freely. All my career I had to be creative more than 40 hours per week. I learned how to set everything aside and get to it.
I always keep a sketchbook or journal with me. If something happens that raises my emotions, I write about it quickly, close the book and push it aside. Then I can be creative. It’s a form of compartmentalizing my life. I leave the drama, fear, self-sabotage, unbelief, doubt, and worry in that book. I still feel symptoms of having a traumatic childhood, as many of us do.
Creativity and Design free me to be who I am made to be. I can’t imagine a life without artistic freedom. Creating. Putting my hands to work makes me happy and fulfilled because it’s part of my purpose.
I’ve been looking at colors I could use for violins. There are old-school traditionalists saying a violin should be oil-stained and polished. Some talk about thin layers of varnish. I get it. The sound can be affected by a heavy finish. The traditionalist comes from a world where classical must remain classical.
But I’m new at this violin stuff and I’m an artist. So, I have been thinking red, yellow, and blue. Of course, from there I can mix any color I want. Thing is, I don’t want to buck tradition and be ostracized, but I think my target audience is more open to something new. I think the audience is fun, passionate about playing, and wants to stand out from the crowd.
What do you think?
I haven’t any plans to paint an entire violin with dragons, bedazzle it with rhinestones, and cover it in race cars. I just want to take classical and enhance it enough to stand out and bring a sense of joy to owning a violin.
I’ve mentioned before that the most important thing to me is how it sounds and feels to play. So, full color or accents, or both. I need some help deciding. Would you buy a blue violin? What about one with a gradation of color?
I never thought I’d love something more than figure sculpture, but admittedly I do. Violin playing sparks something in my heart that I can’t explain. I even liked violin when I didn’t know the difference between a C-natural and a C-sharp. I’d screech out sounds that hurt my ears as I prayed anyone listening would be okay. I’d get the occasional, “Keep practicing.”
Today’s comments are much more encouraging. I’m feeling more confident—sometimes. If you asked me why I play I’d have difficulty explaining because it’s a mystery. It’s as though I was being led by a supernatural force that wells up deep from within. I’m not trying to be poetic it just is.
Hitting the Right Note
I used to be obsessed with golf, though I can no longer play due to being disabled. Hitting the ball perfectly made me love to play. There was a ping sound when the perfect swing connected with the ball. Watching the ball fly exactly as planned made every other crazy shot worth it. I went to the driving range several times a week and played every weekend—always at pace with the guys.
Golf is extremely technical to play. There are lots of pieces to put together to play the game. My left and right brain appreciates the complexity. Playing violin is the same for me. Hitting the right note with perfect intonation feels like hitting that golf ball just right.
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